Stupid things that you'll probably remeber for a lifetime

A few years ago, probably when I was in year 9 or 10, my maths teacher was talking about how important it was to make sure we had decent calculators and she said "Make sure you have a Casio one, There's actually a new model out this March."

Shit story but it was pretty hilarious at the time.

I moved a guys chair back so he fell over in like year 8 but he smacked his head on the chair and started bleeding everywhere. I got in shit and had to go to the head teachers office and stuff. Funny thing is, on the way home my mate ran up to me and said did you hear that someone threw a chair at (the name of the guy) and cut his head open. I was like

Also my whole lunch table got called into the head teachers office for talking about "sex and magazines" to a younger kid on our table who had told his mum. So awkward.

When I was about 10 I was at my brothers cricket match and one guy hit a six and it bounced off the concrete and hit me square in the butt. I flew forwards and started crying

CTFC~ced wrote:A 60 year old Leeds fan with no teeth starting on me at Elland Road.

My friend pissing himself in assembly in year 2 with the piss going all over me.

Me sneezing and banging my head against a bed post when I was 9. I had a massive lump on my fore head for a week.

Me getting accused of taking drugs by the school nurse in year 7.

An old man walking like a chicken with his head pecking up and down with his hands behind his back down town.

My Dad picking up 2 hitch hikers and a dog in Oldham.

why the fuck were you in oldham?

anyway i remember in year 8 getting a detention from my english teacher and i just walked out the class at the end and went to get my dinner i looked to my right and there she was stood so i thought shit and she just blatantly said hello matthew and walked off . me and my mate were just laughing.

and many moments from china i remember
some chineese women dragging me and pushed me so i got my bobble head out and whacked her then she started swearing at me in chineese .
in beijing they also had i love bj tops so my mate went what does the bj stand for to the same woman!! and she went close your eyes and i show u

i also remember in china some guy literally having sex with a dog

ill tell some more china stories later

Burytilidie wrote:anyway i remember in year 8 getting a detention from my english teacher and i just walked out the class at the end and went to get my dinner i looked to my right and there she was stood so i thought shit and she just blatantly said hello matthew and walked off . me and my mate were just laughing.

and many moments from china i remember
some chineese women dragging me and pushed me so i got my bobble head out and whacked her then she started swearing at me in chineese .
in beijing they also had i love bj tops so my mate went what does the bj stand for to the same woman!! and she went close your eyes and i show u

i also remember in china some guy literally having sex with a dog

Lol at that woman
And why the hell did this guy fuck a dog?
Sick bastard, I hope it's illegal there?

Anyway, why did you go to China? Was it on holiday?

I told this Bulgarian kid to piss of cos he smelt like salami. Was minging. He just randomly came to our school, randomly sat at our table and randomly sat next to me.


I actually got detention for bullying.

I remember a woman walking into this takeaway shop putting a bottle of cider on the counter, when it strictly said, "No alcohol allowed in shop".

The woman is now my school mentor .

I remember seeing a homeless guy buy Fairy Liquid, run outside and squirt people with it. Funniest thing I've ever seen.

Dan wrote:I remember seeing a homeless guy buy Fairy Liquid, run outside and squirt people with it. Funniest thing I've ever seen.

Dan wrote:I remember seeing a homeless guy buy Fairy Liquid, run outside and squirt people with it. Funniest thing I've ever seen.

i will remember the first night when we went on a school trip to paris first off the machine sold beer so spent about 12 euros in the machine each then our teacher was cheacking our rooms to see if we had any so my mate chucked one out the window and you could hear it fizzing up outside but the teacher couldnt and the after we sneaked into to some french school kids room and chucked water over them and was giving shit to these candians and breaking the radiator we were stading on

Gegilworld93 wrote:

Burytilidie wrote:anyway i remember in year 8 getting a detention from my english teacher and i just walked out the class at the end and went to get my dinner i looked to my right and there she was stood so i thought shit and she just blatantly said hello matthew and walked off . me and my mate were just laughing.

and many moments from china i remember
some chineese women dragging me and pushed me so i got my bobble head out and whacked her then she started swearing at me in chineese .
in beijing they also had i love bj tops so my mate went what does the bj stand for to the same woman!! and she went close your eyes and i show u

i also remember in china some guy literally having sex with a dog

Lol at that woman
And why the hell did this guy fuck a dog?
Sick bastard, I hope it's illegal there?

Anyway, why did you go to China? Was it on holiday?

umm fuck knows the chineese are a bit mad
i went with school for two weeks was such a good holiday.

anyway some more stories my mate bought a 50 yen chicken on the train and it turned out green so we threw it out the window and it went flying
ummm we also played football against their apparent school team and their fans were fucking loud everytime they got in our half you heard a massive roar but they soon shutup when we beat em 4-0
2 things though i really remember
walking in to a toilet seeing a guy kneeling down in to a hole and a guy trying to get in every fucking picture with us wherever we went he did!!!

Toilets in China are holes Bury.

yes i know polska but you also have no toilet paper

Burytilidie wrote:yes i know polska but you also have no toilet paper

I know.

I've watched Pilkington.

Dan wrote:I remember seeing a homeless guy buy Fairy Liquid, run outside and squirt people with it. Funniest thing I've ever seen.

Now it makes sense

Why have I got the most to tell?


Am I the only one who literally wrote all the funny things I can remember or are people not telling all theirs?

polska. wrote:

Burytilidie wrote:yes i know polska but you also have no toilet paper

I know.

I've watched Pilkington.

yeh its exactly like that! scary
plus we got the same food everyday one time though i dont know what we had at the school though where we went i think we had horse or sommat but i heard a sheep in kitchen
some cats also ran out of the kitchen one day so fuck knows we may have had that

Cadbury wrote:A few years ago, probably when I was in year 9 or 10, my maths teacher was talking about how important it was to make sure we had decent calculators and she said "Make sure you have a Casio one, There's actually a new model out this March."

Shit story but it was pretty hilarious at the time.

Don't know why I laughed at that. Probably after reading everyone else's then just reading that.

I once told my mate to set the fire alarm of at 14:10 to get me out an english test in year 10. Coincidentally it actually went off at that time and my friend was no where to be seen

I remember walking into a school toilet in year 9 to find the worlds biggest shit on the floor . Thats no exaggeration.

In business studies my teacher literally smelt like sewage. She was telling people to sit nearer the front but everyone was reluctant to move for some reason....

A kid in year 7 was getting picked on as he punched himself in the nose whilst trying to hit a girl. In a science lesson he screamed "shut the fuck up" and threw a science lab stool across the room.

I heard some year 8 kids say "let's masturbate arms"

In year 10 a group of year 8's were trying to act hard towards me and my mates. One came up with the insult "your mum has a squeeky voice" in a really high pitched voice with his mates going "Ohhhhh, owned.

My Dad getting lost in Stockport. At a red light he got out the car and shouted "For Fuck sake" at the top of his voice infront of every one.

At cineworld, my friend handed over a pound land receipt saying "popcorn" mistaking it for the cineworld ticket.

A lion 'marking it's territory' on our car at west midlands safari park a few years back.

My year 10 english teacher walking into our lesson 20 minutes late, with his collar up whilst talking on his mobile as he entered the room.

-------------------------------------------
I'll try to think of some more if I can

I remember the first time a teacher's mobile went off in class, we were about 9 at the time and thought it was the funniest thing ever.

ill defo remember from today there was 3 of us at dinner just walking round and shit and my mate started laughing and then some year 7 girl just turned around and shouted at him stop laughing at me! and walked off

CTFC~ced wrote:My year 10 english teacher walking into our lesson 20 minutes late, with his collar up whilst talking on his mobile as he entered the room.

That reminds me of when one of my teachers came in with his shirt not tucked in properly, his hair a mess and that. Obviously dressed in a rush.


Turns out he'd been sleeping with the other Geography teacher and they used to go off during break into their car and have a go at making babies.

Dan wrote:

CTFC~ced wrote:My year 10 english teacher walking into our lesson 20 minutes late, with his collar up whilst talking on his mobile as he entered the room.

That reminds me of when one of my teachers came in with his shirt not tucked in properly, his hair a mess and that. Obviously dressed in a rush.


Turns out he'd been sleeping with the other Geography teacher and they used to go off during break into their car and have make babies.

Dan wrote:

CTFC~ced wrote:My year 10 english teacher walking into our lesson 20 minutes late, with his collar up whilst talking on his mobile as he entered the room.

That reminds me of when one of my teachers came in with his shirt not tucked in properly, his hair a mess and that. Obviously dressed in a rush.


Turns out he'd been sleeping with the other Geography teacher and they used to go off during break into their car and have make babies.

Thats class. Was the geography teacher fit by the way?

CTFC~ced wrote:

Dan wrote:

CTFC~ced wrote:My year 10 english teacher walking into our lesson 20 minutes late, with his collar up whilst talking on his mobile as he entered the room.

That reminds me of when one of my teachers came in with his shirt not tucked in properly, his hair a mess and that. Obviously dressed in a rush.


Turns out he'd been sleeping with the other Geography teacher and they used to go off during break into their car and have make babies.

Thats class. Was the geography teacher fit by the way?

She was a geography teacher..

My step brother falling down some metal stairs on holiday after it had rained. Got winded and sat there screaming that he was dieing for about 30 minutes with people walking by.

Seeing my dad kick a football at some womens head by accident knocking her over, then seeing her come rushing over to have a go at my dad while her boyfriend and us were laughing at her

Falling down some metal stairs in year 6, and the head of year 8 came up to me and goes 'Are you the boy who fell down the stairs?' I nod, he responds 'Oh well, accidents happen.'

Cunt.