Stupid things that you'll probably remeber for a lifetime

Seeing a spider with 8cm long eyes that screamed
Seeig a tarantula on my bedroom wall
Killing ants, then having a bee chase me around the garden
Seeing a guy run up a rock, then proceed to front flip off it
Seeing a Daddy Long legs die.

Plenty of things. But in particular an old lady(looked about 80 odd) came up to me while I was getting on the bus and asked if it went to a particular place, I was sure it did and said "Yeah it should do". So I get on and she goes to pay after me and ends up getting off because the bus didn't go to where she wanted. Saw her walking away as it was pissing it down.

Hurt me inside.

Edit: This was today, may have worded it wrong, she did not pay for me.

Once I was playing football in my garden then out of the bushes at the black this bloke jumped through them into my garden, looked at me then started jumping over fences, then I heard the police.

EDIT: Don't really know if that fits with this though, because most people would remember it. lol.

Pip wrote:Seeing a spider with 8cm long eyes that screamed

I think I've heard this story before from Karl Pilkington.

Going to Silverstone on a wet day to watch some racing, it was a wet day and we was walking over the bridge over the grid straight and my dad fell down the whole set of stairs, knocking over an old bloke at the bottom from behind. I was about 8.

On holiday in Spain with school in year 9. Boys and girls at different parts of the hotel. So 3 of us climbed through a window and walked across the roof to get in one of the girls rooms(2 others stayed in the room wimping out) So basically we find out it is someones birthday and they are having a shitty party bla bla... Then someone shouts the teachers are coming so in a panic we ran back to the lasses room we'd gone through, went back onto the roof... and for some reason I said i'd check it out to see if it was safe from teachers, it was so. So I see our window open, go to jump through it head first and my mate just closes it on me. Splat! Them 2 in the room laughing, the other 2 stood on the roof pissing themselves, we get in the room, get in bed real quick.
Teacher knocks, walks in, "right boys i'll ask you not to do that again, i saw you out of the window but i wont say anything cos Pineys superman impression was funny"


I had a massive lump on my head but we got in no trouble.

Mate also walked into revolving doors at the swimming pool and I bought a green and yellow Marijuana bat not knowing wtf it was

Oh yeah also, when I was trick or treating at about 8 years old. Old woman came out with a box of chocolates and gave us some and said in real a posh voice "these are Marks and Spencers best"

Idk why but it cracked us up at the time.

Oh and one winter having a snowball fight with the other 2 blocks. ( there was 3 blocks of houses, ours v the other 2) and my brother prepared a load of snowballs but didn't tell anyone he had put stones in them all.

Also I had a dislocated shoulder and walked around telling everyone i had 1 arm longer than the other till I got punched in it and it popped back in...

Jesus christ, anything else you want to tell us?

Two weird ones for me. I was jogging around Regents Park at half five in the morning, pitch black. I'm on the last mile then out of no where a man jumps out of a bush, punches me in the face and screams "You're not Barry" then he sprints off.

A really stupid thing but I was in Gamestation and I saw some little Indian kid riding a little bike around the shop, throwing games in the basket. He then came up to the till, was asked for £330 so he gave them £330 in twenty pound notes that he had drawn. They all said Bank of Poo on them.

Jord wrote:Plenty of things. But in particular an old lady(looked about 80 odd) came up to me while I was getting on the bus and asked if it went to a particular place, I was sure it did and said "Yeah it should do". So I get on and she goes to pay after me and ends up getting off because the bus didn't go to where she wanted. Saw her walking away as it was pissing it down.

Hurt me inside.

Edit: This was today, may have worded it wrong, she did not pay for me.

I don't know why, but this makes me feel sad as well

A 60 year old Leeds fan with no teeth starting on me at Elland Road.

My friend pissing himself in assembly in year 2 with the piss going all over me.

Me sneezing and banging my head against a bed post when I was 9. I had a massive lump on my fore head for a week.

Me getting accused of taking drugs by the school nurse in year 7.

An old man walking like a chicken with his head pecking up and down with his hands behind his back down town.

My Dad picking up 2 hitch hikers and a dog in Oldham.

There is many more.


Like when I was having a fight with a kid and his mate threw a brick at me and I fell to the floor. When I got up the kid who threw the brick was also on the floor getting beat up while his mates had legged it.

A kid from Phillipines called Dack and we all called him Duck.

The area I lived getting flooded and us been told to go around and do the 25 minute walk rather than do the 5 minute walk across the flooded school field.
We did the field which took an hour to get home after we all started messing about.

Hitting someone with a golf club by accident and legging it cos I knew his dad had lots of other golf clubs I thought he'd whack me with.

We used to play racing golf (first to get theres in the hole at other side of field wins as many shots as you want though) I hit mine, chase it and then my brother whacks his after everyones and cracks me in the head.

Threw a brick up the tree to get a tyre down and the brick landed on my head and the tyre didnt come down.

Kicked a ball over a them spiky metal fences, went over and got it, on the way back over slipped and the spike went straight into my thigh, got a nasty scar there.

Shot myself in the face with a BB gun, fired it first, didn't work so I looked down it and for some reason fired it in my face.

Had a shit in a bush one night because my parents went out and everyone named me after next door neighbours dog. I was called Tara James for a few weeks.

Going into one of them youth club things when I was 8th birthday. Went with my brother who is a year younger but you had to be 8 to get in. Basically I said my age and birthday and he said his so it would look like he was 8 too. Only thing is it looked like we'd been born within 2 months of each other.

There was 5 fields next to my house, none we was allowed on but here goes a few other things that happened on there.

Went in the overgrown one with a quality street tin collecting frogs. Took them home, but them in a walk in wardrobe and next morning they had all escape.

Council told us we wasn't allowed to play on the field and they put really high fences up, so we got some pliers and cut a hole in it.

They repaired that and said our parents would be charged next time. So we dug a hole underneath the fence.

We had our own "war" against the other 2 blocks (which I mentioned we didn't like) dug us a massive hole, well passed what I think was clay. Put a wooden fence we stole over it and covered it in leaves and grass thinking no one would notice it.


Oh yeah, one last one cos i've told too many now and owned the thread.

At the shops 10 minutes away, me, my brother and this other kid. Stealing penny sweets from it, in the end my brother gets caught. So we leave him and run home, "mum, mum, something bad happened to tom" "YOU BETTER NOT OF BEEN PLAYING NEAR THAT DITCH AGAIN" "no hes been caught stealing " "fuck sake"


These ones in this post are just from when I was in primary school.

Mal wrote:Two weird ones for me. I was jogging around Regents Park at half five in the morning, pitch black. I'm on the last mile then out of no where a man jumps out of a bush, punches me in the face and screams "You're not Barry" then he sprints off.

A really stupid thing but I was in Gamestation and I saw some little Indian kid riding a little bike around the shop, throwing games in the basket. He then came up to the till, was asked for £330 so he gave them £330 in twenty pound notes that he had drawn. They all said Bank of Poo on them.

I can't breathe

My History teacher in Year 9 making a failed entrance into the class. He could hear us all making noise down the corridor so he stormed in angrily, and slammed the door shut really hard. The roof tile above the door fell on his head

On holiday in Mexico and was sat in this sort of rock pool with my brother. Then some fat Yank girl with down syndrome goes and sits next to my brother and blows a raspberry in his face

Went to audition for the main part of the school play in Year 6 and they asked me to rehearse a song to sing. I was so nervous but didn't have the balls to walk away. Then when it was my turn I got up on stage, said 'I can't sing' then ran off.

In Year 7 a girl kept asking me out for 2 months until I finally said yeah. Then I dumped her the next day and she cried.

In Year 11 I was sat in English and the lad infront of me had a full can of coke on his desk. I said to my mate, 'Bet you a fiver I can pop that with one throw of this Compass'. Threw it, and hit it. Could never do that again if I tried. The can popped everywhere and sprayed half the class that was near it with coke. It was worth being covered in Coke for the rest of the day!

This thread

CTFC~ced wrote:A 60 year old Leeds fan with no teeth starting on me at Elland Road.

My friend pissing himself in assembly in year 2 with the piss going all over me.

Me sneezing and banging my head against a bed post when I was 9. I had a massive lump on my fore head for a week.

Me getting accused of taking drugs by the school nurse in year 7.

An old man walking like a chicken with his head pecking up and down with his hands behind his back down town.

My Dad picking up 2 hitch hikers and a dog in Oldham.

Yep, that's Cheltenham.

I remember in a science lab back in school the water was turned off so i went around the class and pointed them upwards and diagonal so they pointed all across the class (the taps were on the working stations for practicals around the perimeter of the class) and turned them all on as high as they could go.

Halfway through the class we got told to do a practical so the teacher turned on the water and gas, the water went fucking everywhere

You lot were so mischievous .

Naughtiest thing I ever did was rickroll the teacher.

Mal wrote:Two weird ones for me. I was jogging around Regents Park at half five in the morning, pitch black. I'm on the last mile then out of no where a man jumps out of a bush, punches me in the face and screams "You're not Barry" then he sprints off.

A really stupid thing but I was in Gamestation and I saw some little Indian kid riding a little bike around the shop, throwing games in the basket. He then came up to the till, was asked for £330 so he gave them £330 in twenty pound notes that he had drawn. They all said Bank of Poo on them.

My dog once charged into the back of my legs at full sprint when I was out walking with him because I taught him to go through my legs. Sent me and himself flying and he spent the whole rest of the walk whimpering.

Ohyeah, when I was learning to ride a bike I got the hang of it... I just couldn't turn. There I was riding round this like square piece of grass about the size of a 6 a side football pitch, get towards the end of the straight, don't know wtf to do and went straight into thorn bushes.

AGES ago i had this crazy psycho English teacher, she was absoloutely insane. I remember once when i was doing my work wrong in my English book, she saw what i did wrong, took my book, screamed her head off at me, scribbled all over the page, riped it up and threw it in the bin. I was terrified, crying my eyes out as i was only about 6 or 7 at the time.

I'll never forget that, crazy old bitch she was.

I was about 8 and in my daredevil faze. In my garden we had a patio that was raised about 2ft from a patch of grass. So, me being a bad ass, I thought I could clear the 'jump' by picking up enough speed from a 10ft long patio. Turns out I didn't pick up enough speed, got to the 'jump' point, and instead of me on my bike gliding through the air like some BMX champ, I fell face fist, head straight over the handlebars and landed on my face and my body and neck did that weird thing where it can't bend any more and you just flop in air.

What a dumb kid I was

I also once, made a tower of garden chairs, clumbed up to the summit, then jumped and rolled into next door's garden (breaks the fall), just to retrieve my football.

Pip, that reminds me of a football retrieving story.

This time, I think I was 10. I accidentally kicked the ball over my neighbours house, and, amazingly, it went straight into his greenhouse and didn't break anything. But this guy was about 60, very moody, never happy always looking to ruin my fun for his gain. Had I not been a pussy, I would have just jumped over the wall, retrieved the ball, and carried on my day. But, this required a plan, I knew he wouldn't give it back to me any time soon, so I had to come up with something cunning; and then it hit me, he was going on holiday in two days, perfect.

So the plan was, wait for him to go, once he is gone, jump over the wall, retrieve the ball, carry on with my summer holidays. And that is what happened, until he got back from holiday, there I was, minding my own business in my garden playing with said ball, when he walks up to the wall, peers over - "How did you get that ball?!" I'm shitting myself. "I bet you thought you were clever jumping over thinking I would never know?!" Duhh, obviously. "Well you weren't, you left your footprints all over the place you dumbshit!"

He then asks me for the ball, takes it off me, puts it back in his greenhouse, and then tells me I can have it back when he says.

The next day while he was out shopping with his wife (They always went shopping on a Saturday morn) I jumped over, retrieved the ball, cleared my tracks on the way back, carried on with my day.

The next day, he confronts me again, he looks at me with this sort of face I look at him like this "Who the hell do you think you are?!" I must have grown a pair over night, I looked at him, smiled, tried to carry on playing football, but then I accidentally kicked it over again as he was asking me questions

He threw it back over though 2 days later.

I remember once these guys brought a condom into school and blew it into a balloon and started throwing it around the classroom. Eventually the teacher saw it and had a nervous breakdown she called the principal who came up wearing these plastic gloves and threatening to call the cops.

This thread is quality, keep them coming.