Football Related Jokes

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:You can't always place the blame on Arsenals left back, it's becoming a Clichy now

What do you call a liar at Liverpool?

Elejro.

If Man City don't win the league, at least they have managed to get their hands on some Silva-ware

forestfcfan wrote:

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:You can't always place the blame on Arsenals left back, it's becoming a Clichy now

What do you call a liar at Liverpool?

Elejro.

If Man City don't win the league, at least they have managed to get their hands on some Silva-ware

I couldn't think of a pun that involves 2 football teams for my mates birthday card.

So I told him that i'll only get him a Cardiff they beat Swansea.

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:You can't always place the blame on Arsenals left back, it's becoming a Clichy now

What do you call a liar at Liverpool?

Elejro.

If Man City don't win the league, at least they have managed to get their hands on some Silva-ware

I couldn't think of a pun that involves 2 football teams for my mates birthday card.

So I told him that i'll only get him a Cardiff they beat Swansea.

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:You can't always place the blame on Arsenals left back, it's becoming a Clichy now

What do you call a liar at Liverpool?

Elejro.

If Man City don't win the league, at least they have managed to get their hands on some Silva-ware

I couldn't think of a pun that involves 2 football teams for my mates birthday card.

So I told him that i'll only get him a Cardiff they beat Swansea.

Huddlestone has just bought a new field.

He's decided to call it Hudders Field

forestfcfan wrote:

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:You can't always place the blame on Arsenals left back, it's becoming a Clichy now

What do you call a liar at Liverpool?

Elejro.

If Man City don't win the league, at least they have managed to get their hands on some Silva-ware

I couldn't think of a pun that involves 2 football teams for my mates birthday card.

So I told him that i'll only get him a Cardiff they beat Swansea.

Huddlestone has just bought a new field.

He's decided to call it Hudders Field

Being a fan of The Rams is exhillerating!

Every game is a Derby match.

Captain Obvious incoming......just a warning.

My mate was looking for a car and asked me Watford to get

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:

Pip wrote:

What do you call a liar at Liverpool?

Elejro.

If Man City don't win the league, at least they have managed to get their hands on some Silva-ware

I couldn't think of a pun that involves 2 football teams for my mates birthday card.

So I told him that i'll only get him a Cardiff they beat Swansea.

Huddlestone has just bought a new field.

He's decided to call it Hudders Field

Being a fan of The Rams is exhillerating!

Every game is a Derby match.

I didn't even recommend Watford. But I can't talk, I have a Black Burnt Rover

Pip's in his element. You may aswell rename this thread "Shitty One-Liners Here".

forestfcfan wrote:

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:

Pip wrote:

forestfcfan wrote:

If Man City don't win the league, at least they have managed to get their hands on some Silva-ware

I couldn't think of a pun that involves 2 football teams for my mates birthday card.

So I told him that i'll only get him a Cardiff they beat Swansea.

Huddlestone has just bought a new field.

He's decided to call it Hudders Field

Being a fan of The Rams is exhillerating!

Every game is a Derby match.

I didn't even recommend Watford. But I can't talk, I have a Black Burnt Rover

I was watching a game of my local club when a witch came. I said to her, "Doncaster spell on me"

I've also came across that witch, she fell down the stairs at the ground and damaged her hips. Luckily there was a Doctor on hand to ask, 'Would you like new 'Ipswich?

I went to me mate Enoch's house. I said to him, "Ey, Enoch, Got summat to show ye" and he replied, "Showumi?"

It's been one Hull of a ride for Nigel Pearson and his team this season

I was standing on a large mound of grass when suddenly, West Bromwich Albions keeper pushed me off!

He said, "This is Myhill"

NGreat wrote:Pip's in his element. You may aswell rename this thread "Shitty One-Liners Here".

This.

These jokes have gotten out of hand, if i read another one of Pip's shitty one-liners my head is gonna explode.

JMB_94 wrote:

NGreat wrote:Pip's in his element. You may aswell rename this thread "Shitty One-Liners Here".

This.

These jokes have gotten out of hand, if i read another one of Pip's shitty one-liners my head is gonna explode.

Ok now time for the ones so terrible they make Forest's look great.

I went out shopping for dinner then thought I'd go swimming. Unfortunately there was an accident......Liver dropped in the pool

I went to the corner shop and wanted some small mints. I asked "Do you Celtic tacs?"

I bought a new DB9 after seeing it on Top Gear but on the drive home from the garage it broke down. I wanted to speak to the people at the top as I am an important customer who has just paid over £100k for a faulty car. After enquiring as to where to speak to management...I was directed to Aston Villa


I looked out at sea. There were swans.....I guess that's Swansea then .

So this year Kate Middleton becomes Queen after the tragic death of the Queen and Charles due to the Corgies going crazy and eating them both. The Coronation was on Haloween. King William's first law to pass as King was that there is a massive clamp down on littering and so people are being employed in public green areas to stop litter bugs. In honour of all these events new green area employees dressed up as Queens in the Park as Rangers

Inter Yer Mam

So there's this Norweigan tourist called Brom who is lost. To find his way he stopped to ask a local for directions. He introduced himself and on enquiring for directions the local said "Brom, go west".

So my girlfriend was unemployed and looking for a job....but she's always on the phone so it's hard for her to hold a job down. I had a simple solution. "Love....work at a call centre......(or as a prostitute).....you can ply your mouth and get paid"

So this tourist was driving from Calais to the capital but got lost on the way. She stopped at a local town and asked a local (who happened to be black) for directions. They got talking and introduced themselves......after asking where the capital was the man said "Paris? Simple..just get back on the motor way and follow the signs" to which the woman replied "You're a Saint, Germain"

I was watching this film with Clint Eastwood in it. It was called Gran Torino

So I have this rich uncle who has homes all around the world. In the Summer he is kindly letting me stay at his holiday home in Spain. I was gloating to my friends about this and they didn't believe me. I told them "The Villa is real"

So I was in the Bavarian forest and wanted something wild to eat. I go into the local fast food place and ask if they sell any Wolfsburgers

So I was trying to get some honey the old fashioned way and got stung in the process. Those were some pretty Grimsbys

I needed some money so got a Summer job at the local seaside town as a travel guide. Whilst on duty someone came up to me and asked "What excursions do you do?" and I said "We do a Tor of the Quay"

I was drink driving the other day whilst on duty as a trucker. I was delivering some flour and I swerved and crashed when I arrived at my destination. I hit the Millwall

My dad wanted to call me Barnsley but my mum said no (true story)

So the dude from "An Idiot Abroad" has made a killing off of his TV series and book and is so rich that he's decided to buy himself a house in Dubai. All the rich and famous people have their own little plot of land covered by water......Mr Pilkington got his own and called it "Carlisle"

A woman who was pregnant gave birth to a child in a way that has never happened before. It was Bournemouth first

I went shopping and bought myself some steak for dinner. On getting home I checked the expiry date to find that it was Oldham

I worked on a ship. I was in the Crewe

I was going away to Forest for first time. I was sitting in the away end but wasn't sure where it was so I asked a steward for directions. "It's in the Southend" he said

I met this guy with the most ridiculous hair ever. Who ever gets a Barnet these days?

I murdered someone and had to Bury them

I was exploring this seaside town and I wanted directions to these wide valleys that are beautiful nearby. A local person said "follow the signs...it's easy to get from Port to Vale"

My wife lost my son's Gameboy and he knew that his mum had it last. He said "Where's my Gameboy Mother?" "Well......" she replied.

A famous movie actress who played the Queen recently performed a miracle which was recognised by the Church. In honour of this she was named "St Mirren"

My favourite F1 driver is Lewis Hamilton

My mate Dean asked me what my favourite band ever is. "Abba....Dean"

He also asked me what my favourite sweets were. I said "love Hearts"



That's all for now folks

Luxz0rz wrote:Ok now time for the ones so terrible they make Forest's look great.

I went out shopping for dinner then thought I'd go swimming. Unfortunately there was an accident......Liver dropped in the pool

I went to the corner shop and wanted some small mints. I asked "Do you Celtic tacs?"

I bought a new DB9 after seeing it on Top Gear but on the drive home from the garage it broke down. I wanted to speak to the people at the top as I am an important customer who has just paid over £100k for a faulty car. After enquiring as to where to speak to management...I was directed to Aston Villa


I looked out at sea. There were swans.....I guess that's Swansea then .

So this year Kate Middleton becomes Queen after the tragic death of the Queen and Charles due to the Corgies going crazy and eating them both. The Coronation was on Haloween. King William's first law to pass as King was that there is a massive clamp down on littering and so people are being employed in public green areas to stop litter bugs. In honour of all these events new green area employees dressed up as Queens in the Park as Rangers

Inter Yer Mam

So there's this Norweigan tourist called Brom who is lost. To find his way he stopped to ask a local for directions. He introduced himself and on enquiring for directions the local said "Brom, go west".

So my girlfriend was unemployed and looking for a job....but she's also on the phone so it's hard for her to hold a job down. I had a simple solution. "Love....work at a call centre......(or as a prostitute).....you can ply your mouth and get paid"

So this tourist was driving from Calais to the capital but got lost on the way. She stopped at a local town and asked a local (who happened to be black) for directions. They got talking and introduced themselves......after asking where the capital was the man said "Paris? Simple..just get back on the motor way and follow the signs" to which the woman replied "You're a Saint, Germain"

I was watching this film with Clint Eastwood in it. It was called Gran Torino

So I have this rich uncle who has homes all around the world. In the Summer he is kindly letting me stay at his holiday home in Spain. I was gloating to my friends about this and they didn't believe me. I told them "The Villa is real"

So I was in the Bavarian forest and wanted something wild to eat. I go into the local fast food place and ask if they sell any Wolfsburgers

So I was trying to get some honey the old fashioned way and got stung in the process. Those were some pretty Grimsbys

I needed some money so got a Summer job at the local seaside town as a travel guide. Whilst on duty someone came up to me and asked "What excursions do you do?" and I said "We do a Tor of the Quay"

I was drink driving the other day whilst on duty as a trucker. I was delivering some flour and I swerved and crashed when I arrived at my destination. I hit the Millwall

My dad wanted to call me Barnsley but my mum said no (true story)

So the dude from "An Idiot Abroad" has made a killing off of his TV series and book and is so rich that he's decided to buy himself a house in Dubai. All the rich and famous people have their own little plot of land covered by water......Mr Pilkington got his own and called it "Carlisle"

A woman who was pregnant gave birth to a child in a way that has never happened before. It was Bournemouth first

I went shopping and bought myself some steak for dinner. On getting home I checked the expiry date to find that it was Oldham

I worked on a ship. I was in the Crewe

I was going away to Forest for first time. I was sitting in the away end but wasn't sure where it was so I asked a steward for directions. "It's in the Southend" he said

I might this guy with the most ridiculous hair ever. Who ever gets a Barnet these days?

I murdered someone and had to Bury them

I was exploring this seaside town and I wanted directions to these wide valleys that are beautiful nearby. A local person said "follow the signs...it's easy to get from Port to Vale"

My wife lost my son's Gameboy and he knew that his mum had it last. He said "Where's my Gameboy Mother?" "Well......" she replied.

A famous movie actress who played the Queen recently performed a miracle which was recognised by the Church. In honour of this she was named "St Mirren"

My favourite F1 driver is Lewis Hamilton

My mate Dean asked me what my favourite band ever is. "Abba....Dean"

He also asked me what my favourite sweets were. I said "love Hearts"



That's all for now folks

Both forest and Pip are Scunthorpes

Dan, you spelt Scunthorpe wrong.

My favourite F1 driver is Lewis Hamilton

Point still stands..

Walcott wrote:

My favourite F1 driver is Lewis Hamilton

Hamilton is a club

But seriously I like Button best

Dan wrote:Both forest and Pip are Scuntthorpes

Poor show Dan.

What does a French version of Homer say when he is feeling dull then trips up?

"Bordeaux"

Luxz0rz wrote:

Walcott wrote:

My favourite F1 driver is Lewis Hamilton

Hamilton is a club

But seriously I like Button best

Thought it was aimed at me.

Forestfcfan, this pun off, is still on!!!

I bought Jaaskelinean a present and he said, "What is it?"

I replied, "Jussi"

Pip wrote:Forestfcfan, this pun off, is still on!!!

I bought Jaaskelinean a present and he said, "What is it?"

I replied, "Jussi"

....... what?

Royal wrote:

Pip wrote:Forestfcfan, this pun off, is still on!!!

I bought Jaaskelinean a present and he said, "What is it?"

I replied, "Jussi"

....... what?

Just see

Luxz0rz wrote:

Royal wrote:

Pip wrote:Forestfcfan, this pun off, is still on!!!

I bought Jaaskelinean a present and he said, "What is it?"

I replied, "Jussi"

....... what?

Just see

Luxz0rz wrote:

Royal wrote:

Pip wrote:Forestfcfan, this pun off, is still on!!!

I bought Jaaskelinean a present and he said, "What is it?"

I replied, "Jussi"

....... what?

Just see

Fucking awful "joke".
It's pronounced yuh-see by the way Pip.