Torquay United: Super Gulls!

Do you ever lose?

I wrote that before I read this page.

In what was supposed to be a nice quiet night on the town on a Christmas do for the Torquay staff and players, the night ended up a little different than planned. It all started at 8.02pm, where Martin Ling was seen getting into a little scuffle with a bouncer, who jokingly made a remark about Ling being 'too old' for a nightclub. Already having drank 1 bottle of Stella, Ling was 'off his tits', described by other nightclubbers. After being let into the club, Martin Ling was then spotted talking to a young blonde, around 18, at 9.13pm. This conversation lasted approximately 14 minutes, then Ling escorted the girl out of the club, holding hands, and took her down an alleyway. He was then seen to be having SEX with this girl, against a bin, onlookers described.


After approximately 42 seconds on penetrating the young blonde, Ling returned to the club in good mood. At around 1.21am, Ling and several Torquay players appeared outside the club in the smokers section. Chris Zebroski, the teams only black man, pulled out a bag of WEED, and began rolling a spliff. However, this was all he did, then he left the scene. Martin Ling was left with Billy Kee, and together, they got high. Martin Ling appeared in high spirits, singing a parody of the Michael Jackson song, Billie Jean, in homage to his star striker Billy Kee. He sang, 'Billy Kee is not my lover. He's just a boy, that plays upfront for Torquayyyy!'. The pair returned to the club in what appeared to be happy spirits. At 3.49am, Martin Ling exited the club, along with 8 Torquay players. They were seen causing a bit of trouble in the Town Square, downing bottles of Vodka. It seemed like Martin Ling was hungry, but McDonalds was closed, so he headed off to Greggs. However, after finding out Greggs was also shut, Martin Ling went crazy; Tempa T style! At 4.01am, Martin Ling had smashed his way through the shutters into Greggs, but the alarms hadn't gone off due to a powercut. After finding a random baseball bat in the storeroom, he returned to the front, shouting and screaming. He was heard to be singing a Tempa T song, Next Hype. He sang, 'CLEAR! All the pastry rack, won't get none of your sausage rolls back!'.


By this point, onlookers were filming footage on their mobile phones. Seemingly distressed by this, Martin Ling ran outside to the nearest Taxi Rank and screamed this at the driver, Sanjit, 'I said get out the car! This ain't a par!'. Sanjit quickly got out, and Martin Ling made a swift exit in a Torquay Coast cab. We caught up with Sanjit for his view on events. "Oh my, it was very frightening. I must say I thought I would die. I was just doing normal shift to feed my 4 wives and 17 children and what do I do? I get robbed. In my own bloody country! It is not on I tell you. I hope that bad man is punished by Allah!". Clearly distressed by Martin Lings actions, we wish Sanjit and his 4 wives and 17 children all the best as they begin to save up for a new family car. Martin Ling meanwhile has been jailed, and is due in court on January 3rd, meaning he will miss Torquay's next 3 games.

that one made me laugh

Poor story Forest. You blatantly just copied that article from the Gloucestershire echo when Allen was reported to have done the same thing

Really?

lolwut?

Martin Ling is due in court tomorrow. That is the sneaky preview i'll be giving you before tomorrow's events unfold.

10 years minimum.

Racist bastard.

Forest wrote:Really?

Parts of it are similar . When Allen was with us he got into an argument with a bouncer after he was turned away from the night club and allegedly called him a "black bastard" .

It seems that Mr.Ling and Martin Allen have a lot in common. Maybe they should meet up

Stealing stories Forest

Judge: ORDER! ORDER!



Martin Ling:Sorry your honour.

Judge: You are here today on charges for Assault, Class B Drugs, Sexual Intercourse in public, Breaking and Entering property, vandalism, the theft of a ca-

Sanjit: You bloody bastard! One of my wives has left me now, all because I can't afford a new bloody Toyota!

Judge: Guards, remove this man from the courtroom.

Sanjit: What da fuck man! Racist! It's cos i'm black isn't it?

Judge: Yes, it is. Anyway, as I was saying. The theft of a car, GBH and the rape of an 18 year old girl.

Martin Ling: You fucking what! I never raped her man? I shagged her, but that was it. Bish bash bosh, done in 40 seconds flat.

Judge: Well she is here today and reported a rape, what are you're accounts of this, Courtnee?

Courtnee: Well right, I was sniffing round the players right init? Ya know, they got a bitta dosh an that, i coulda done with one to help me out right, i am a single mother ya know with 2 kids, an I aint got a job right, but like, i reckon i coulda pulled one of the players if i wasnt approached by Martin init? I mean, I am pretty famous. I'm a fucking record holder for most appearances on the Jeremy Kyle Show. Whats not to be impressed by that?

Judge: Very impressive, Courtnee. So, did Martin Ling rape you?

Courtnee: Well, I think he did right. But I dunno yeah. Cos right, I was like, Martin mate, you're a bit old, i'm 18. I've been took advantage of for my fanny before too init. I was 16 yeah, and i was some dating site. Needed a proper lad to help with my 2 year old kid cos the Dad could be any of Kade, Liam, Rhys, Reece, Rheece, Ryan, Scott, Shane, James, Dwayne or Leroy's. I can't member. So on this dating site I was approached by a man that said he was Kenny Dalglish. Well that name rung a bell, thought he might been a Prime president or some shit like that. So I googled him on my stolen BB, right, and he was a Liverpool manager for football init. Well I was fucking buzzing mate. So i got in contact, and he was even Scottish too, no fake shit yeah. Met up with him, but when I got there, it wasn't this Dalquiche or whatever his name is. He was a 37 year old man called Al. I was fucking livid mate. All this way to Scotland to expect some nice dosh, only to meet some 37 year old called Al, no job and on the dole, and spent all his day on a fucking forum site.

Judge: Will you please just cut to this god damn rape?

Courtnee: Sorreh. Erm, well I forgot innit? It might not of been rape though, I probably said yeah, but I was bladdered at the time. Actually wait? Fuck! He did rape me init. I remember now, he told me loved me right, I was like, err, do one mate. Then he just stook his ding a ling inside ma snatch and that's that. Girl didn't give it up so he raped it, penetrate it, now man went and impregnate it?

Judge: In English?

Courtnee: He raped me an got me preggers init. Can I just have some child support off him yeah?

Judge: These are serious allegations, Courtnee. Martin, we need your side of the story?

Martin Ling: The bitch is lying! She came onto me and I turned her down...So she said, but I love you Ling I love your soul. She said, I love you more than words can say, she said I love you Martin bayayayayby. So she said, but I love you boy I love you so, I love you baby ay ay ay ay ehhhhhh. So I said, what you saying girl it can't be right, you cannot be in love with me, we only just met tonight. So she said, Ling I loved you from the very start, when I first went to a Torquay game, something started burning in my heart. I said stop this crazy talk, and leave right now and close the door. Then we had sex, admittedly, it was wrong, I shouldn't have. But she was there and up for it, my penis couldn't say no, your honour.

Judge: I'm afraid I don't quite believe you.

Martin Ling: So now i'm up in the courts, pleading my case in a witness box. Telling the judge and the jury, exactly the same thing that I said to the cops, on the day that I got arrested. I'm innocent I protested! She just feels rejected, had her heart broken by someone she's obsessed with. And i'm saying all this in the stand, while my team cry tears in the galleries. We've got bigger than we ever could of planned. Like that milk ad and Accrington Stanerly. So you and the jury don't look like you're buying it. And it's making me nervous. Arms crossed screw faced like i'm trying it. Eyes fixed on me like i'm murderous. You're gonna lock me up! You're gonna send me down! Throw away the key! Even though I told you SHE!!

Judge: ORDER ORDER!! We will make a decision on your conviction tomorrow, 1 PM. Officers, please take Martin back to his cell.

Dun Dun Dun ...

So is this a career mode or a soap opera?

It's a Career Mode, with a twist.

It's some twist.

http://www.the-playmaker.com/t6486p90-leeds-united-marching-on-together#777049
Simon Grayson gives a quick view.

Martin Ling and the Courtess are very disrespectful, not calling the judge 'Your Honour'

EDIT: Oh wait, they did

Pip

Plan B bit made me laugh and this...

CLEAR! All the pastry rack, won't get none of your sausage rolls back!'.

Legendary!