Chris' bodybuilding threads reminded me of a post I seen on that forum a couple years back. Enjoy.
Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the
the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a
horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't
want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since
it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images
so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but
I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing
cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...
Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned
that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter
wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's
been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam
studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done
then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which
would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she
wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she
said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it
went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some
chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to
come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at
that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I
could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and
this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I
decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in
public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and
****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take
a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring
my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her
washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so
unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my
rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an
erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to
the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an
ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a
POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do
first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into
the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine..
I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the
poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and
"block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't
work so well...
As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as
well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking
at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted
to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried
take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and
this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially
on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of
repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so
badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on
her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped
into my head:
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at
least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her
floor....
At that point things get even worse...
The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....
I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...
she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???
At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!
I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was
releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty
rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it
smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"
I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...
she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..
I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door.
She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a
pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi
dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet,
and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing
embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her
mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to
cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my
best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up
the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the
floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off
the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed
most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full
eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into
the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off
and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter
bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it
overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally
crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it
so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I
could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates
bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right
now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't
let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she
graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room
(I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo
water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while
swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.
All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought
my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in
me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded
(yes mad).
to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well
**** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also
prevents epic disaters like this one....
This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I
would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle
and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this
would have happened.
anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back?
maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run
into her again?
u all know wot im on about!!
