Why scowling, play-acting Nani won't be my player of the season
By Oliver Holt
A Manchester United fan asked me the other day if I would consider voting for Nani as Footballer of the Year.
Well, maybe there is a way of saying this more gently but I’m not going to waste time searching for it...
I’d get my back waxed before I voted for Nani.
If it was a choice between him and the beach ball that scored against Liverpool last season, I’d take the beach ball.
If it was vote Nani or watch a box-set of Ian Wright on Live From Studio Five, I’d settle down in front of the TV.
If Ashley Cole said it was either put the cross by the Portuguese or help him with target practice, I’d start running to and fro across the firing range.
You’re getting my drift.
Nani’s not in my top five this season. He’s not even in my top 20.
I don’t like him.
I don’t like the way he plays the game.
I don’t like his puerility, his petulance or his play-acting.
I don’t like his blatant efforts to gain an unfair advantage.
I know that, by some criteria, he has had a fine season for United. He has scored crucial goals. He is a fine dribbler. His game has matured.
But that’s not enough. Not when you behave the way he does. Not when you do what he did against Spurs this season.
Not when you try a delayed dive that could easily have got Younes Kaboul sent off. Not when you then handle the ball as you fall.
And not when you take advantage of confusion between the referee and Spurs goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes to kick the ball into an empty net.
I don’t care which United players were urging him to do it - it is still probably the most glaring example of bad sportsmanship this season.
Nani’s at it all the time. He goes down like he has been shot at the merest excuse. He waves imaginary cards at referees to try to get opponents booked.
And here’s the saddest thing - despite the backflips and the cartwheels when he scores, there is actually very little joy in his game.
He plays with a scowl. He plays with anger. He plays like everyone is against him. It has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When he was genuinely hurt by a shocking challenge from Jamie Carragher at Anfield earlier this month, no one believed him at first because of his history.
He had a gash in his leg that put him out for a week but he’s cried wolf so often that when he really was a victim of a bad tackle, people thought he was up to his old tricks again.
Being anti-Nani isn’t an anti-United thing. Not for me anyway.
I wouldn’t vote for Didier Drogba for exactly the same reasons.
And, yes, I accept that England players like Steven Gerrard, Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney have been guilty of winning penalties with dives in the past.
Cristiano Ronaldo did his share of play-acting, too, but I came to appreciate that he was one of the bravest players in our league.
He rode plenty of bad tackles and he took way more punishment than Nani. He was also twice the player that Nani is.
It would be nice to think that Nani will change. That he will come to realise that in order to win wider respect in England, he needs to cut out some of the melodrama.
Until that happens, he’s not in the reckoning for Footballer of the Year as far as I’m concerned.
My vote is going to Scott Parker, for the way he has held West Ham together almost single-handedly as they fight against relegation.
Parker has been an inspiration at Upton Park, playing through injury, even playing against Spurs 10 days ago a few hours after the death of his father. He has been a beacon of excellence in a struggling team.
He has given everything to the cause. He has done it without moaning and without agitating for a move. He exudes class off the pitch and on it.
There are plenty of others for whom you could say the same.
My top five this season are Parker, Luka Modric, Jack Wilshere, Nemanja Vidic and John Terry.
So here’s a tip for Nani. When you play at Upton Park on Saturday, try and stay on your feet for a couple of minutes.
And while you’re there, take a look at how Parker goes about his business.
You never know, you might learn something.
Thoughts?
He use to support both United and City as a kid, bellend he is.
