http://www.computerandvideogames.com/298964/previews/saints-row-3-first-look/
God damn reading that makes me want this game.
You're right, Saints Row: The Third is childish. Not that you'd want your kids behaving like this: it's a game where you punch elderly people in the crotch, run around in the nude and smash people's faces with a giant, floppy purple willy on a stick.
It's wilfully, gleefully OTT; utterly crass and irresistible - and in a world of grimly realistic shooters and tortured anti-heroes, just about the most refreshing game in years.
Sure, the original Xbox-only Saints Row was a shameless GTA: San Andreas clone - and plagued by technical gripes - but by embracing its childish imagination, Saints Row 2 was stuffed with ideas, most of them entertaining, at a time when Grand Theft Auto's top priorities were grittiness, satire and atmosphere.
We love GTA, but surely there's room for lightness and darkness in the open-world genre?
SEXY MAKEOVER
It helps that Saints Row: The Third at least looks grown up. The distinctly last-gen visuals haunting Saints Row 2 have been swapped for glistening new technology, and it's a leap forward from Volition's recent Red Faction Guerilla, let alone the series' last outing.
The glistening new city of Steelport is densely decorated: wander into the Let's Pretend store to pick up a purple spacesuit (as you will) and you find a room crammed with incidental details. The streets are similarly gorgeous, with the bland shades of Stilwater replaced by bright, vibrant tones.
It looks particularly arresting as the sun sets and the seedy, neon-adorned casinos light up. It's almost a shame you're going to
make an enormous mess of it. It won't take you long, either. Volition is giving you seriously destructive kit early in the game.
How about a laser designator for missiles that don't even impact, but airburst to rain fiery doom upon whatever target was unfortunate enough to be painted? This kind of military tech would ordinarily be saved for special occasions, but Saints Row: The Third is so confident it has enough arms up its sleeves - as it were - it's, uh, handing out things of this scale early on. It's a game that forces you to have fun.
To meet the threat to civilised society your tooled-up sociopath poses, Volition has 'roided up the cops over the last game. Initially you'll be up against standard police patrols, but once the government gets wind of the clash between your gang - the Saints - and Steelport's controlling coalition The Syndicate, it sends in the military.
Of course, you then have an army base chock full of achingly desirable military hardware and experimental technology that you won't be able to resist pilfering. We particularly love the tank that merrily squishes any car that gets caught under its treads - the crumple physics wouldn't look out of place in a Codemasters racing game.
Most of the military gear is easier to move around. The Predator drone made famous by Call of Duty allows you to steer a missile up the exhaust pipe of any car - or person - you choose. Better yet is the remote control gun. Rather than the done-to-death exploding RC car, this allows you to take control of any full-size vehicle you point it at. The potential for winding up your co-op partner by driving everything they try to steal into the nearest body of water is enormous.
Weapons also have a new four-stage upgrade system that visibly turns even the most average guns into something blatant and spectacular. This was one of the community's most requested features, so evidently all that internet bellowing wasn't in vain.
In an amusing move, each weapon has its own unique melee attack, with the twist being that every single one is a shot to the crotch. They range from a simple, forceful pistol-whip to the cobbles to more elaborate twirls that nevertheless still end up splitting somebody's atoms.
The attacks are unisex, which can be a little uncomfortable, but even if you're clever enough to beat Stephen Fry at Scattergories it's hard not to giggle as your character rolls over the back of a startled businessman and, very purposefully, plants a foot on his daddy button. If that all wears thin for you, there are running dropkicks and a quick-time event-based unarmed combat system for more conventional brawling / being a dick.
FRESH MEAT
Mastering the standard combat skills is only half the battle when it comes to the story. Volition is tired of standard open-world missions that simply fill a neighbourhood with goons and ask you to clean it out. According to the team, around 10% of missions in Saints 2's featured a genuinely unique activity - this time the aim is for 75% to feature something fresh or unexpected.
The second mission, which also serves as your introduction to Steelport, is a prime example. The Saints are riding high after the events of SR2 and are top dogs in Stilwater... to the point where they've become energy drink-peddling celebs. Who said Rockstar have the monopoly on satire, eh?
Then, during what should have been a routine bank job, an actor - tagging along to learn how to play Johnny Gat in a movie. Yes. - triggers the silent alarm. The Saints go down. It then emerges the bank is owned by The Syndicate, a collection of gangs headed by the leader of the Morning Star faction, the irascible Belgian Philippe Loren.
Loren's annoyed the Saints made a run at the bank, but likes their style and invites them aboard his private jet to offer them a chance to join The Syndicate. The deal is in exchange for 66% of their profits. Unsurprisingly, you (as the leader of the Saints) tell him to park his offer up his derrière, kicking off an enormous, mile-high shootout. So far, so standard.
ONE STEP BEYOND
Things shake up when your mate Shaundi stumbles out of the plane, which is shedding cargo and SUVs at an alarming rate. So you strap on a parachute and give chase, skydiving between the falling crates and cars, flipping face up to blast pursuing heavies. It's a dramatically ridiculous moment worthy of a Just Cause game, and if you ever played MDK on PSone, expect an injection of warm, fuzzy nostalgia. But you're not done yet.
Catching Shaundi should signal the end of your worries, but the jet swings around and bears down on your chute. In a brilliant moment, you decide the solution is to drop Shaundi, shatter the windscreen of the jet, sail through the interior capping the survivors, grab another parachute and drop once again after your plummeting gang mate.
It's huge, exhilarating and the banter between you and the incredulous Shaundi is brilliantly written to boot. And that's where Saints Row: The Third is going to win the cynical over. It seems exactly the kind of violent nonsense that has tabloid hacks frothing (at least until 5:30pm), but it's nowhere near as stupid as it pretends to be. Yes it's crass, enormously so, but it has the keen sense of fun that is missing from so many games in these grim, portentous, times.
This is design with the brakes off - if someone pipes up in a development meeting with an idea and it makes everyone laugh, say the devs, it goes in the game. The sandbox genre is a breeding ground for this kind of unfettered creativity. It's all playable in online co-op, too - doubling the maniac potential.
For all the technical excellence and emotional depth of Rockstar's worlds, sometimes you just want to blow things up, land helicopters on your mates and cackle. There's a reason why people falling into wedding cakes are more popular on YouTube than epics about xenophobia. It's the same reason most of us play games. And it's the same reason we can't wait for Saints Row: The Third - y'know, it just seems like it'll be funny.
God damn reading that makes me want this game.
