I went for a mean slash. Pleased with the work I had done I decided to go wash my hands. As I just started rinsing, I seen a little movement next to my right hand. Upon closer inspection, there he was. This big fuck off spider. Little body but fucking lanky legs.
Obviously my first reaction was to retreat. So I did to the safe confines of my room.
But then I realised the importance of this situation. This was make or break for me. Do I stay cowering in my room, while this INTRUDER lords it about in MY FUCKING BATHROOM?
No. I had to take a stand.
First step was a scout mission. Quite small bathroom so this was over pretty quickly. He was fucking relaxing in the corner of the room, thinking he was some sort of fucking Don.
So this was it, time to confront my fear and deal with this fiend.
I stepped into the room. Our eyes crossed and we were at a stand off. We both knew what was coming, it was a case of who blinks first.
Then I started to get the jitters. Even though I knew it was impossible, I kept picturing him diving off the wall onto my face. I was about to make a run for it.
But I summoned some courage from deep inside of me. Courage I never knew existed. In a split second I dived for the shower head, smashed the taps on and squirted the fucker.
His strength was admirable. With full power water gushing against him, he remained in the corner. His defiance actually taught me something, and in a small moment that seemed like an age, I thought that in another lifetime we might actually be friends.
But my might took over. He lost grip and slid down the wall into the bath. At this point I just had to put him out of his misery. He both metaphorically and literally circled the plug. Then quite amazingly squeezed through the plug holes.
I put the plug in for good measures and walked out of the bathroom with a serious look on my face.
What should have been a routine trip to the bathroom turned out to be the day I become a man.